Some of you may know that I schedule and lead 4 trail runs per week for our little KC Trail Nerds group. We're a fun-loving group of guys and gals who's main purpose is to have fun running together in the great outdoors. We also don't mind working our tails off constructing, cleaning, and maintaining trails or race courses, or volunteering for races.
The basic rules of the group are: Have fun and no whining. We also have a trailrunning disclaimer that can also be found on our main website. Here it is for your reading pleasure:
Informational Disclaimer: These are free, all-comers, non-organized, trail "training" experiences. Whoever shows up, runs. (We just happen to be running in the same direction at the same time). You are responsible for yourself and your own safety. We will run at the slowest runner's pace, so no one gets lost. This is an easy-going way to have a fun run in a natural setting. Please use common sense. When the deer are in rutting season, don't show up with a dumb, doe-eyed look on your face; you may live to regret it, (unless you enjoy that sort of thing). No whiners allowed. No littering, either: If you think you won't be able to finish the run, please don't litter the trail with your dotard carcass. Please dig a deep hole first, then pull the dirt over your body right before you succumb to the Grim Reaper's sickle.
Further Disclaimer: I, the runner, affirm that I participate in these training runs at my own risk, that there will be no "aid stations" or support available except where provided by me. There will be no route markings, no course marshals and no medical personnel in attendance and that I cannot hold my fellow runners, those who advertise the run or anyone else involved in the run or anyone else, responsible for any accident, injury or death sustained by anyone, anywhere. I have been advised that the run may traverse lands that are owned, policed or controlled by Cities or Townships, City or State Parks, Hatfields & McCoys, or other landowners/controllers and that they have not been notified of these training runs, and permission has not been given and that I will accept any consequences upon myself resulting from any legal transgressions. I know that the run may traverse extremely rough and rugged areas, that is inhabited by the standard Midwest wildlife (snakes, deer, spiders etc), and vicious "domesticated" pets, and accept that I could get hurt, lost, dehydrated, injured or could even die. I fully accept these dangers & difficulties on my own behalf. In fact I will thoroughly ENJOY the prospect of suffering blisters, cramps, trashed quads, thunderstorms, lightning strikes, snow, ice, heatstroke, frostbite and other entertainment that can be associated with running an event such as this. I understand that any roads to be crossed or run along may be narrow and twisty and that all vehicle drivers are CRAZY MAINIACS, out to run me down. I understand that any trails or paths that I may cross or traverse will have similar maniacs on horses, mountain bikes, unicycles, pogo sticks, harvesters, hay-balers, D-9 Catapillars, flailing-bladed lawnmowers, and other sundry vehicles, gizmos, or devices, dedicated to squashing/ripping my flesh and bones to unidentifiable (flattened) chunks of meat. I understand that even if I am an extremely experienced athlete, I may still not be fit enough to continue at some point, and I should know when to say "Uncle", throw in the towel, and get back into my fricking car, shut the hell up, and go the hell home. I have been advised to take some water and have my own supplies, and look after my own personal needs, such as having available: toilet paper, Power Bars, Hammer Gel, Band-Aids, gloves, and a black leather teddy with sequins. I realize that my fellow runners, those who advertise these runs, or anyone else involved in the run or anyone else, are NOT organizing an event or race and that this is a joint endeavor by all who take part. This is not to say I will not b*tch or use strong language, I expect to do so during the various stages of these training runs. I understand this is just a part of the experience of "reality running", not to be confused with "reality T.V.", no matter how much similarity I, or my co-runners may find herewith.
I find ways to enjoy life as much as I can. Also, life's too short to treat people poorly.
I'm into long runs in the park, consuming salt, popping blisters,
eating roadkill & tree bark, and burying whiners in shallow, unmarked
graves. I also enjoy designing trail race courses that would make the
Marquis de Sade blush.
A fun time for me would include banging muddy shoes together, setting
broken bones with a machinist's vise, and duct-taping-down any part of my
body that is bleeding or just flopping-about uselessly.
What helps me to be an active trailrunner and grandpa?
1) Daily sponge baths with bovine stem cells;
2) Copious amounts of delicious & nutritious homebrewed beer; and
3) My secret elixir...Bicarbonate of Figleaf.